A MinD in MoTown

Why I hate the Girl Scouts.
February 24, 2010, 12:52 pm
Filed under: Foodage, Way too much thought went into this, Yummy

It was nearly two weeks ago, but I still remember that evening vividly.

I was curled up on the couch, empty bowl in hand that once contained some delicious chicken and rice. I set the bowl on my coffee table and took another swig of my Coca-Cola. Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw it — the green box, taunting me as it scarcely peeked out of my purse. I tried to look away, attempting to forget the momentary vision and the saliva that was already forming in my mouth. But it was too late.

Half an hour later, all that remained was the empty foil, the remnants of a formerly filled sleeve of Thin Mint cookies. My shame was heavy, my stomach full. What began as a meager hope to help a coworker’s daughter ended with nearly 700 calories I simply did not need. And another sleeve awaited…

While other organizations are out there, regularly discussing the hazards of both adult and childhood obesity, Girl Scouts of America send demure, innocent young girls to our doorsteps, peddling cookie-deliciousness containing more calories than one should likely consume in a typical day. And at $3.50 per box, we fall for their schemes, thinking of little more than the mouth-watering goodness that awaits. Sure, we may pretend that we’re merely making a purchase to aid some child attain a merit badge that will undoubtedly end up in a drawer seven years from now, collecting dust. But we’re all in it for one thing: The delectable Caramel deLites (aka Samoas), the scrumptious Peanut Butter Patties (aka Tagalongs) and the chocolatey goodness known as Thin Mints, my true weakness.

Despite any hopes we carried into the new year of fitting into our jeans that became a bit-too-tight over the holiday season, the Girl Scouts strip us of our desires, reminding us that their season of choice – Cookie Season – lies just around the corner. And as February arrives and we finally pull those size 4 jeans out of the closet, watching them glide easily over our thighs, butt and waist, those girls in brown and green appear to remind us that our bodies are meant for a size 6 forevermore.

I entered that evening with a skewed thought process – “If I just eat them all now, they won’t taunt me any longer. I must make the entire sleeve of cookies disappear.” – but I carry it no more. Those little ladies won’t fool me. I know the damage their cookies can cause and damn it, I refuse to be a victim ever again!

24 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Resistance is futile!!!

Comment by [F]oxymoron

Ah, so you’re into fat chicks? Good to know.

Comment by amindinmotown

Expensive but delicious. Impossible to eat only a few – serving size = 1/2 box. Caloric intake, don’t even ask, the gym can’t even remedy that.

Oh, and thin mints are best frozen. Fact.

But why? Why in this day and age where obesity is prevalent would we station little girls at the bank, the grocery, the fucking Pep Boys auto parts shop… places you can’t avoid their puppy sad eyes when you don’t buy 16 boxes of tasty lemon things.

When I was in Boy Scouts, our troop refused to sell the popcorn. Instead for our big fundraiser we would sell wreaths and real garland around xmas. The leaders would drive up to the UP and get them at wholesale price and we’d sell them at their recommended price. We stood out in public places too, I admit. But we were a lot older. A lot older. Fundraisers for the Cub Scouts was strictly up to the parents.


Wreaths don’t make you fat. And they smell nice.

Comment by Justin (Oats)

Sadly, cookies smell nice, too. And I’ve heard they are best frozen, but I’ve yet to try them that way. Not sure if I ever will now, ha.

Comment by amindinmotown

Do you know why I hate the Girl Scouts? Because for the last 3 years I haven’t seen a single one selling me cookies. What the crap is up with that?!

Comment by stealthnerd

Dude, I had the same problem for the longest time! And at Penn State, I never saw kids selling them. Not once.

Comment by amindinmotown

“If I just eat them all now, they won’t taunt me any longer.” HA! this made me laugh because that’s a sadly true rationalization.

Either I avoid them altogether or buy a box (a SINGLE box, especially if the girls are sweet and not obnoxious) and just leave them for my co-workers at work.

Comment by thatShortChick

Next time, I’ll have to bring them to work – my other work, ’cause everyone at the news office bought some. That way I maybe eat a couple, but the box will be devoured by others instead of me, alone, while watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Comment by amindinmotown


Yesterday at work, someone was distributing the Girl Scout cookies. I was offered some, but I had to decline. Why? Cuz they’re bad for me. But how? I don’t know! But they’re so good!

Comment by phampants

It’s a horrible conundrum (that’s a word, right?). Good and bad. Which outweighs the other?

Comment by amindinmotown

Our girl guides only show up to ask for things they can pawn off for cash – like bottles. They don’t even bring cookies.

Comment by Ben

Stupid girl guides… What good are they!?

Comment by amindinmotown

I just can’t say no!! Tagalongs … oh so good- I think they have crack in them.

Comment by Megan

They just might. If these girls are okay spreading obesity, they might be okay with dispensing drugs. I wouldn’t put it passed (past? ha.) them.

Comment by amindinmotown

you’re right. i can never have just one!!! i’m so bad with junk food. i devour them 😦 best not to buy them..

Comment by floreta

“Best not to buy them” is right … and yet so sad. They’re sooooo yummy!

Comment by amindinmotown

Haaahahahahhahah! This made me laugh. I always get sucked in by those Girl Scouts. Always.

Comment by Kimwithak

Don’t we all. I’m glad they don’t go door-to-door as much because I’d end up buying more! Eep.

Comment by amindinmotown

very well written!

Comment by Felicia

Thanks lady!!

Comment by amindinmotown

Oh, Thin Mints. How I love thee. Since they only come around once a year, I have to have 2 (or 3, or 4, or 5) boxes. I love those cookies. So delish but dang, a lot of calories for just a few cookies!

Comment by Stephany

I totally used the “but they only come around once a year” excuse, too. And they are sooooo yummy. But as my mom says, “A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.” Ha.

Comment by amindinmotown

My goodness, I have to thank my lucky stars that there are no girl scout cookies sold here, not even in international stores. But my aunt often brought it home for me and I usually really PIG OUT. Thin mints are also my weakness.

Comment by andhari

I find it so very awesome that halfway around the world, you still know what Thin Mints are and how absolutely fabulous they are.

Comment by amindinmotown

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