A MinD in MoTown

Puff, puff, pass.
January 15, 2009, 6:04 pm
Filed under: Drug-free is the way to be, The world revolves around me

My blogging buddy Matt posted something Monday that made my little mind work a bit harder than normal…

And for those of you – the majority, I assume – too lazy to read his post (though, looking at my readership, I’m certain most of you already checked it out), he posed a question to the audience: Is smoking weed a “deal breaker” in a potential mate?

I’ve read all of the comments listed, curious to see what my fellow bloggers – the majority of whom are 20-somethings from across the country – had to say about this topic, and needless to say, I was not surprised to find myself in the minority.

To call me a “goody two shoes” might be an understatement most days. While I’m no stranger to drinking and the crazy life of a college girl at the number three party school in the U.S., weed has never been “my thing.” Sure, I’ve been around it more than a handful of times, including at least twice in the last week, and have plenty of friends who choose to light up (I’m probably going to sound super lame throughout this entire post, FYI), but when it comes trying the stuff, I’ve always refused. And, as a result, I tend to prefer dating someone who would also forego the occasional high.

Some might say – many of my friends have as well as some of Matt’s commenters – that the only reason I’m “against” pot is because I’ve never done it. Perhaps that’s true. But I’m 23, and as far as I’m concerned, if I made it this far without any desire to partake, it makes little to no sense to begin sparking up now just so I can obtain a better grip on the masses and their Mary Jane cravings.

So, to some, I may stand on my drug-free pedastal, completely complacent with my opinions on the topic although they are based on no real understanding of the substance or participating in its use, and attempt to sway the opinions of some about their toking habits. But those individuals, the ones I’d prefer not smoke, are few and far between. Will I give you an eye roll if I see you pull out a bowl – Funny story, first time I heard that phrase in college, I thought people smoked out of an actual bowl. You know, like a cereal bowl. Mmhmm, I’m seriously that naive awesome. – in my presence? Quite possibly (but mostly because I hate the smell). Will I actually care? Not likely.

I suppose it irks me, to some extent, that people automatically assume I have this “holier than thou” attitude about weed simply because I have chosen not to pull out a bong when the opportunity arises. I’m certain that there are those out there who will sit and judge someone who smokes based simply on that action, but when it comes to me, that’s not the case. I’m not one to sit on my high horse and look down on whoever blazes up in front of me. To each their own, as far as I’m concerned. All of us – myself included – have done things that others might not be entirely proud of, so why would I criticize another person for this action?

And although I tend to remain open-minded when it comes to pot, yes, it still remains – and will forever act as such – a deal breaker in a relationship. It’s not something I do, so why would I want to spend my time with someone whose activities include a drug I have no desire to ever experience?

…In the end, I guess what I’m trying to say (and seriously, it’s taken me four friggin’ days to get this out of me, and it’s totally not up to par, as far as I’m concerned) is that it’s possible for someone, myself in this case, to have a personal opinion about something and yet stay not only tolerant, but unprejudiced to someone whose stance greatly differs. So, for those of you out there quick to judge me because I don’t smoke, maybe it’s time to revamp those thoughts ’cause honestly, I don’t at all appreciate being unjustly interpreted as judgmental and hypercritical.

14 Comments so far
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A bowl? Oh wow, I actually snorted laughing at that one. Thankfully, no one’s around at the moment to hear besides Faith and she’s currently trying to eat her own tail so I doubt she cares.

I’ve never tried weed, nor felt the desire to. But I never really cared if people did around me or not, I just don’t let people drive while high on it. I guess growing up around people who did made me rather indifferent about it. Could I date someone who smoked in ocassion? I suppose. Regularly? I highly doubt it.

I got more than just a giggle out of my naivete? Fabulous….

Comment by Kendall

Living in a border town makes for some interesting drug encounters. Smoking weed seems to be a normal thing around here, practically everyone my age has done it…except for me.

My friends do it on occasion, and more than once have I had to make an effort to avoid it. I feel exactly the way you do MinD! I’m agreeing with you?! *gasp*

I’ve never tried it, I despise the smell, I’m not interested, and I’m not gonna be too judgmental about it. However, smoking weed brings about bad company and bad habits around here. Dealers are constantly getting caught, and suppliers are constantly looking for their next sucker to sell or mule for them. That’s one aspect of life I don’t care to get involved with. If a girl smokes that junk, I consider it an instant deal breaker!

Go MinD!!

To be honest, I definitely wasn’t expecting anyone at all to agree with me. But I’m pretty damn glad to see someone does. Thank you! =)

Comment by omegaradium

I hadn’t read Matt’s post yet, so I wandered on over and read it (and the majority of the comments) before I dove into yours. I think yours is very well-written, by the way, though I always understand not being “satisfied” with an end result.

I smoke pretty regularly. My boyfriend, however, refrains entirely. He understands my desire, and I just don’t over do it. I don’t think it strange at all — it’s just not his thing.

I’ve had tons of friends who smoke a bit, who smoke every day, who smoke all day, etc. etc. I’ve also had a lot of friends who just aren’t into it. I understand both sides and really, I just try not to judge people based on their choices.

It’s a very interesting topic and one that I haven’t seen much discussion of in this blogosphere. I’m glad that you and Matt both wrote about it!

Well thanks. And you’re right, there definitely isn’t much discussion – at least among people our age – about this, so while my stance clearly differs from Matt’s, both sides of the topic can kind of be seen in our posts.

Comment by Tristan | the almost right word

ME TOO! In high school these kids got caught with a bowl in their coat and I was like WTF how can you fit a bowl in your coat?!?!

I’m far beyond glad to hear someone else thought the same thing!

Comment by Maxie

I’d also like to state that my college (WVU) was the numero uno party school when i attended!

Ha, ya, Penn State was def at least two when I was there – we made up our own friggin’ holiday! Those things change all too often though…

Comment by Maxie

To me, weed and alcohol are pretty much the same. Both are ok in moderation, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable dating someone who NEEDS either of those things to (a) have a good time, or (b) deal with basic, every day stresses. It’s not even really about judgment, because like you said, we ALL have our issues, it’s just that that particular issue is one that would be a deal breaker for me in a partner.

On a similar note, I couldn’t date someone who sleeps ’til noon every day or doesn’t have a job (and isn’t looking for one), etc. I’m not looking for the most ambitious super star that ever lived or anything, but I don’t want to be with someone who’s dragging me down. We’ve all been through funks like that, but sometimes you need to work through that shit on your own before you’re ready to be a partner for someone.

Thanks for writing this!

Thanks for your comments! And you’re right, I couldn’t be with that kind of person either. Even though I do drink and don’t mind if a significant other does, if alcohol became overly important and a means for making it through the day, then it’s gone too far. As with everything, there has to be limitations.

Comment by Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat

I’ve never done any drugs either, nor do I want to. It’s not that I think I’m better than people who smoke pot, I just think there are better ways to spend my time. I probably wouldn’t date a pot smoker either. I’m not chill and laidback enough to date a pot smoker. I think I would drive him crazy cause it’s almost impossible for me to stay still and chill out.

My boyfriend has told me that if I smoked, based on my personality and how I react to drinking, the reaction I’d have would not be good.

Comment by Akirah

Weed appropriately…

Truth is, I’m too lazy to smoke weed. You can’t just roll over to 7-11 , grab some Tostitos, Pringles, and a few ounces of weed. I have to prioritize my time, and procuring some smoke is note high on the list of enjoyable things to do.

That being said, I’m not against those who smoke, just those whose habit has turned into a problem – weed, alcohol, exercise, diet, whatever. That is not attractive.

Good point. But what if it became legal and was available at your local convenient store?

Comment by [F]oxymoron

I smoked for the first time when I was 27, since then I’ve probably only smoked four or five times and have been around it a lot before that. I never felt like people were thinking that I was holier than thou. In fact, I think most people who smoke would think “hey, more for me than!”

Ha. Maybe they do think that! I know there are some – not just people I know, but a few of Matt’s commenters – who said those who didn’t smoke had a particular attitude, and that definitely hits a nerve with me.

Comment by Dutchess of Kickball

Awesome post. Way to stay drug free. Seriously.

but yeah, as long as you don’t judge people who do it, I have no problems AT ALL with your opinions. The second you do start judging people…yes we will have problems.

You better not be judging those of us who don’t do it then either… =P

Comment by Matt

Okay…first: “sit on my high horse” that made me laugh. It shouldn’t have but I’m just way too punny not to have noticed.

Seriously though, good for you! Way to take a stand on something. And don’t worry, I know you know how to party. I’m not sure they let you graduate otherwise 😉

Of course they wouldn’t have. I’m pretty certain I was questioned about my frequency of attendance at The Gaff, Cell Block, The Saloon, The Phyrst, etc. before being handed my diplomas.

Comment by stealthnerd

And now, a word from your “Geezer-40 something” reader….

In the ’70s….weed was the norm. I smoked with friends, siblings, hell…even my Mom once. (A lifelong cigarette smoker…She didn’t get why you passed it around.) I went to school high…I went to work high….I went to the dentist high (A REALLY BAD IDEA).

I haven’t smoked in DECADES…but I plan to do so in my retirement…if that ever happens in this economy. (The retirement era for me is after company drug tests, parental responsibilities, work stuff, etc.)

To me it was a nice “intensifying” drug…music was always better…..conversations more meaningful…..and sex and ice cream…DAMN.

That said…..like alcohol and other drugs…you just can’t do it while driving unless you feel it’s OK to risk killing yourself or an innocent person. If you feel it is OK to risk killing someone you need therapy.

If it’s not for you….then don’t. Peer pressure is something that no longer matters after college. You have Big Girl Pants now.

This concludes your “Geezer Moment”…..I have to go listen to an Eagles CD and remeber the old days.

Where’s my hearing aid?

To the dentist!? Oh man. And to think my dentist had an issue with my tongue ring… That could not have been fun.

Comment by jbanc

I totally, totally feel you on this post! Like you, I’ve always been a ‘goody two-shoes’ of some sort. I’ve never smoked, though I do enjoy an occasional drink. (I mean, c’mon, I’m a journalist!)

I’m not judgmental about it, either. What someone else does is fine as long as it isn’t affecting me. And it doesn’t. But I lived with a guy who lit up multiple times a day. As a result, I was sick for almost the entire semester. When I made the decision to move out, he didn’t believe me when I said my health was being affected. THAT sucked.

Oh man. What kind of reaction did you have? I don’t care for the smell, but that’s about as far as it goes for me.

Comment by E.P.

I was the “straight-edge” Christian boy all throughout high school. After me and my friends graduated I went to a 311 concert where I smoked for the first time (it was everyone goal to get me to smoke). The rest is history 😛

My reasons for not smoking was always because of a misunderstanding of the substance itself. This may sound weird to some people and other will understand, but I prefer pot to alcohol now. I’m always the one taking care of my drunk friends after a late night and I’ve always been in a clear enough state of mind to go about my own business.

I think the whole thing is blow way out of proportion. It’s only a problem if you let it become a problem the same way ANYTHING can become a problem if you do it too much (eg. playing too many video games).

So all in all, it’s not about the drug, but the person. What you do to have a good time is your own business as long as it doesn’t effect me.

Good point. And didn’t you expect that to happen, to some extent at least, at a 311 concert? Ha. Aren’t they almost synonymous with weed?

Comment by Jon

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