Boyfriends/fiancees/husbands of the world, this post is for you.
Don’t understand why your girlfriend got angry because you decided to play Madden 09 with the boys and drink a few beers instead of attending her work Christmas party? Can’t quite comprehend why she was disappointed you didn’t want to watch “One Tree Hill” with her on a Monday, as opposed to consuming as many 39 cent chicken wings as possible? Are you in the dark as to why in the world she’d actually care if you said “yes” or “no” to walking the dog/doing the dishes/etc. rather than simply hearing you reply with “I don’t know/care” yet again?
Well, let me give you a bit of insight… It’s because we test you. It may not be all the time, and occasionally, you may not see it coming. But it happens, often, and when it does, you need to be prepared.
We all know boys aren’t into games unless the words XBox or Playstation are involved, and yet us girls will do whatever is necessary to hear you choose us in the end. So when you are presented with an option, unless your lady seems completely sincere and 100 percent okay with the words coming out of her mouth – Helpful Hint #1: If discussing an issue through text messages, call her. You should be able to tell by the tone of her voice if what she’s saying is really the truth. – your only true option is whatever will make the girlfriend happy.
EXAMPLE: “Hunnie, it’s okay if you don’t come over tonight. I’ll just see you tomorrow instead. Go ahead, watch the football game with the guys.”
Now, outwardly, this may not look like something that requires the decision-making process, and yet it is. The beginning clearly implies prior plans with the girlfriend. But it looks as though “better” plans have arose and you’d rather chill with the boys. If you wouldn’t prefer the latter option, you likely wouldn’t have mentioned it to your lady friend – Helpful Hint #2: You could avoid this scenario entirely by simply telling your friends you have plans already and will have to take a rain check. Thus, the girlfriend doesn’t ever have to know you had a “better” option on the table at all. Needless to say, the correct response – please vary to suit your own colloquialisms and slang – would be “nah babe, I’d rather see you tonight.”
And although some fault has to be put on us females for sometimes allowing you to think there truly is an option, when we already know there is not, we’re just waiting for you to say your time would be better spent cuddling with us on the couch, as noted in the previous example.
Similarly, if we repeatedly tell you how important something is, as girls, we tend to believe that at least one of the seventeen times we say it will sink into your brain and remain there forevermore. We – stupidly perhaps – prefer to see you as the guys who once-upon-a-time swept us off our feet and would do anything to make us happy, as opposed to the nonchalant, indifferent men you gradually proved to be.
EXAMPLE: “I love our Monday nights together. It’s kind of ‘our thing.’ Remember when we used to watch my favorite show then just kiss and hold each other for hours afterwards? I really loved that.”
(Okay okay, I know that’s not exactly what your girl might say, but I’m paraphrasing here.) If you notice, girlfriend has noted the importance of Mondays at least four times. That should show how much it means to her that you spend that evening together. And if you’ve spent several consecutive Mondays and heard the same banter about how significant they are – at least to her – you should learn, eventually, that it is your day together. Thus, you ought to put 39 cent habanero chicken wings and Monday Night Football (which she may watch with you anyway ) on the back burner. The correct response would be “I know how important they are to you hun. I love our Mondays, too (yes, even if you don’t, but it’d likely make her happy to hear you say it). Of course I’ll come over.”
Shall I continue? But of course!
Despite knowing how much you loathe our friends or the things we’re interested in, it truly wouldn’t kill you boys to suck it up and deal once in a while. We understand watching “Made of Honor” isn’t exactly your idea of a good time, and it doesn’t take a genius to know that attending the ballet – not something I do, but attempting to reach the masses here – may not be an ideal way for you to spend your Wednesday night, but it’s what we would like to do and, much to your chagrin, it’s something we would like to include you in. And, sadly for you, we can recall that time you made four amazing tackles with a sprained ankle in high school, so we know you are capable of dealing with a great deal of pain for the greater good … and we ladies are the greater good.
EXAMPLE: “I know you don’t really like the people I work with, but could you please come to this party with me? Come on, it won’t be that bad.”
Look, we don’t want to be in uncomfortable situations either, but as chicks, we want to keep our guys happy. So if one of you actually tells us you want us to accompany you somewhere – Helpful Hint #3: We don’t like to hear “I don’t care” or “I don’t know” all the time. It would be nice if at least half of the time, you told us “yes” or “no” pertaining to non-sexual things, such as telling us you would like if we spent the night at your place instead of saying, for the millionth time, that you don’t care. “I don’t care” = “I don’t give a damn” and us ladies don’t always take that well. – we would do so despite the circumstances. Yes, that means going camping with you even if we hate bugs and sleeping outdoors. That means watching the hockey game with you, even if we have no interest, just to spend time with you. Shouldn’t you dudes extend us the same courtesy? Feel free to reply with “I guess so” or “If you really want me to.” The choice of words does not matter as much as your willingness to accompany us.
I could likely continue forever, providing a plethora of scenarios to you unsuspecting, obviously dim-witted males, but I suppose it’s time to wrap this up.
My point is – Helpful Hint #4: Listen to us girls once in a while. Sometimes what we say might be trivial and completely mundane. But other times, we’re hoping you might learn something. – that as chicks, we want to be on the top of your totem pole (any and all sexual inneundos completely intentional). We want to be who and what you choose not only in bed, but each day and in life.
If, as a male, you’re unwilling to commit to that kind of pressure, it’s time to remove your toothbrush from our bathroom, gather the clothes you’ve left behind on the floor, no doubt, and move on. We ladies are unlikely to change.
And before the barrage of comments come in saying “you girls should say what you mean” or “you aren’t considering us guys and how we feel” (unlikely you gentlemen feel that way, but it could happen), all of us females already realize that. We know that if we’re not dueling you in Mortal Kombat or kicking your ass in Guitar Hero, the games should cease. But for us, what we do is not purposefully done. It’s part of our human nature. And while being selfish, uncaring individuals might be part of yours, maybe it’s time to meet us in the middle. Lord knows we’ve been doing that for you boys for far, far too long already.
Note: This post is brought to you by the letter G, for Gerry, my boyfriend and this rant’s catalyst. Please blame him for any and all injuries sustained as a result. He clearly failed the test today. With any luck, he’ll make up for it shortly after reading the above.
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