A MinD in MoTown


This one is for the fellas.
January 5, 2009, 6:56 pm
Filed under: Argh, I am THE best girlfriend ever, Just whatever

Boyfriends/fiancees/husbands of the world, this post is for you.

Don’t understand why your girlfriend got angry because you decided to play Madden 09 with the boys and drink a few beers instead of attending her work Christmas party? Can’t quite comprehend why she was disappointed you didn’t want to watch “One Tree Hill” with her on a Monday, as opposed to consuming as many 39 cent chicken wings as possible? Are you in the dark as to why in the world she’d actually care if you said “yes” or “no” to walking the dog/doing the dishes/etc. rather than simply hearing you reply with “I don’t know/care” yet again?

Well, let me give you a bit of insight… It’s because we test you. It may not be all the time, and occasionally, you may not see it coming. But it happens, often, and when it does, you need to be prepared.

We all know boys aren’t into games unless the words XBox or Playstation are involved, and yet us girls will do whatever is necessary to hear you choose us in the end. So when you are presented with an option, unless your lady seems completely sincere and 100 percent okay with the words coming out of her mouth – Helpful Hint #1: If discussing an issue through text messages, call her. You should be able to tell by the tone of her voice if what she’s saying is really the truth. – your only true option is whatever will make the girlfriend happy.

EXAMPLE: “Hunnie, it’s okay if you don’t come over tonight. I’ll just see you tomorrow instead. Go ahead, watch the football game with the guys.”

Now, outwardly, this may not look like something that requires the decision-making process, and yet it is. The beginning clearly implies prior plans with the girlfriend. But it looks as though “better” plans have arose and you’d rather chill with the boys. If you wouldn’t prefer the latter option, you likely wouldn’t have mentioned it to your lady friend – Helpful Hint #2: You could avoid this scenario entirely by simply telling your friends you have plans already and will have to take a rain check. Thus, the girlfriend doesn’t ever have to know you had a “better” option on the table at all. Needless to say, the correct response – please vary to suit your own colloquialisms and slang – would be “nah babe, I’d rather see you tonight.”

And although some fault has to be put on us females for sometimes allowing you to think there truly is an option, when we already know there is not, we’re just waiting for you to say your time would be better spent cuddling with us on the couch, as noted in the previous example.

Similarly, if we repeatedly tell you how important something is, as girls, we tend to believe that at least one of the seventeen times we say it will sink into your brain and remain there forevermore. We – stupidly perhaps – prefer to see you as the guys who once-upon-a-time swept us off our feet and would do anything to make us happy, as opposed to the nonchalant, indifferent men you gradually proved to be.

EXAMPLE: “I love our Monday nights together. It’s kind of ‘our thing.’ Remember when we used to watch my favorite show then just kiss and hold each other for hours afterwards? I really loved that.”

(Okay okay, I know that’s not exactly what your girl might say, but I’m paraphrasing here.) If you notice, girlfriend has noted the importance of Mondays at least four times. That should show how much it means to her that you spend that evening together. And if you’ve spent several consecutive Mondays and heard the same banter about how significant they are – at least to her – you should learn, eventually, that it is your day together. Thus, you ought to put 39 cent habanero chicken wings and Monday Night Football (which she may watch with you anyway ) on the back burner. The correct response would be “I know how important they are to you hun. I love our Mondays, too (yes, even if you don’t, but it’d likely make her happy to hear you say it). Of course I’ll come over.”

Shall I continue? But of course!

Despite knowing how much you loathe our friends or the things we’re interested in, it truly wouldn’t kill you boys to suck it up and deal once in a while. We understand watching “Made of Honor” isn’t exactly your idea of a good time, and it doesn’t take a genius to know that attending the ballet – not something I do, but attempting to reach the masses here – may not be an ideal way for you to spend your Wednesday night, but it’s what we would like to do and, much to your chagrin, it’s something we would like to include you in. And, sadly for you, we can recall that time you made four amazing tackles with a sprained ankle in high school, so we know you are capable of dealing with a great deal of pain for the greater good … and we ladies are the greater good.

EXAMPLE: “I know you don’t really like the people I work with, but could you please come to this party with me? Come on, it won’t be that bad.”

Look, we don’t want to be in uncomfortable situations either, but as chicks, we want to keep our guys happy. So if one of you actually tells us you want us to accompany you somewhere – Helpful Hint #3: We don’t like to hear “I don’t care” or “I don’t know” all the time. It would be nice if at least half of the time, you told us “yes” or “no” pertaining to non-sexual things, such as telling us you would like if we spent the night at your place instead of saying, for the millionth time, that you don’t care. “I don’t care” = “I don’t give a damn” and us ladies don’t always take that well. – we would do so despite the circumstances. Yes, that means going camping with you even if we hate bugs and sleeping outdoors. That means watching the hockey game with you, even if we have no interest, just to spend time with you. Shouldn’t you dudes extend us the same courtesy? Feel free to reply with “I guess so” or “If you really want me to.” The choice of words does not matter as much as your willingness to accompany us.

I could likely continue forever, providing a plethora of scenarios to you unsuspecting, obviously dim-witted males, but I suppose it’s time to wrap this up.

My point is – Helpful Hint #4: Listen to us girls once in a while. Sometimes what we say might be trivial and completely mundane. But other times, we’re hoping you might learn something. – that as chicks, we want to be on the top of your totem pole (any and all sexual inneundos completely intentional). We want to be who and what you choose not only in bed, but each day and in life.

If, as a male, you’re unwilling to commit to that kind of pressure, it’s time to remove your toothbrush from our bathroom, gather the clothes you’ve left behind on the floor, no doubt, and move on. We ladies are unlikely to change.

And before the barrage of comments come in saying “you girls should say what you mean” or “you aren’t considering us guys and how we feel” (unlikely you gentlemen feel that way, but it could happen), all of us females already realize that. We know that if we’re not dueling you in Mortal Kombat or kicking your ass in Guitar Hero, the games should cease. But for us, what we do is not purposefully done. It’s part of our human nature. And while being selfish, uncaring individuals might be part of yours, maybe it’s time to meet us in the middle. Lord knows we’ve been doing that for you boys for far, far too long already.

 

Note: This post is brought to you by the letter G, for Gerry, my boyfriend and this rant’s catalyst. Please blame him for any and all injuries sustained as a result. He clearly failed the test today. With any luck, he’ll make up for it shortly after reading the above.

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19 Comments so far
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Ok ok but you aren’t considering us guys and how we feel. Sorry had to do it.

You’re right on. I really only ever let one thing come before my girlfriend (at the time) … my frat. It was bad news all around. I was pledging this frat and I had to spend A WEEK without seeing her. GOD FORBID.

She broke up with me because I “chose the frat over her”. It’s ok tho because she ended up being a whore. See, happy ending.

Oh the many ways “happy ending” can be taken considering she was a “whore.”

Comment by Jon

oooooooh! Someone is in trouble! 😉

He said I used my blog to “bash him” and it “rubbed him the wrong way.” You know, ’cause I was almost intending for him to be overjoyed. Sheeesh.

Comment by the almost right word

EXAMPLE: “Hunnie, it’s okay if you don’t come over tonight. I’ll just see you tomorrow instead. Go ahead, watch the football game with the guys.”

YES!

EXAMPLE: “I love our Monday nights together. It’s kind of ‘our thing.’ Remember when we used to watch my favorite show then just kiss and hold each other for hours afterwards? I really loved that.”

Yup I rememeber that.

thats how I answer those things. So you’re saying thats not right? Damn it all.

Ah, explains so much about you… Really does.

Comment by rs27

I know when to give my two cents and when to keep my mouth shut.

Great Post.

Really…?? I almost inserted a line that said you would probably be the first boy to respond with how “wrong” I was. I guess I was wrong. Sorry man.

Comment by matt

Amen! It’s like you took the words outta my mouth. =)

Ha, which is why we’ve been able to be friends for so long! Thanks for reading hun. Appreciate it.

Comment by Renee

I wanted to be the one to say it but Jon all ready beat me to it. Damn it.

Oh, where to start replying this?

1) Doing the dishes/walking the dog – If my girlfriend had a dog, I’d get her to walk him/her with me and as for dishes, we do those together anyway. The only times I’ll say “I don’t care” are when it comes to food but that’s an entirely different matter. “It doesn’t matter” will never be said to her as that phrase irks me.

2. Spend time with girlfriend, spend time with friends? I don’t have to deal with this one much as my girlfriend has become close friends with mine and me with hers but it shouldn’t be that hard.

3. Sitting through what the girlfriend likes to do. I have sat through America’s Next Top Model more times than I can count now. Use the time to either poke fun at the models/judges or use it for playtime. If any guy is clueless as to what I mean by playtime, I ask you not to mention the fact for your own dignity.

Making your girlfriend happy isn’t rocket science. If you simply meet her halfway, she is likely to be satisfied. Then if at all possible, go beyond the bare minimum. Part of our job’s as boyfriends is to make our women happy, so I ask why half-ass it?

P. S. Gerry, I’m going to need you to stop dropping the ball like this. It gives us all a bad name

Aw, I knew you were a sweetheart boyfriend. I def did. I’ll tell Gerry what you said.

Comment by Kendall

Spending time together is great, sex is great, and compromising isn’t out of the question, but bear in mind…Life existed before you, and life will continue to exist after you. Someone had to say it!

‘Tis true. But life with me can’t be bachelorhood + girlfriend. That just doesn’t work for me … or any girl.

Comment by omegaradium

Several valid points made here.

Why thank you.

Comment by hautepocket

I definitely feel you on the testing stuff. I read your post to my boyfriend last night and he said, “That doesn’t describe me! I don’t play video games or drink beer with my friends.” I told him that I want him to see the bigger picture and recognize that I test him a lot. Sometimes he passes, sometimes he doesn’t. As long as he passes the important tests, I guess.

You read it to him? Oh my! I was aiming for “the bigger picture,” but it was definitely easiest to use examples and information from my own relationship. It was the first relationship post I’ve ever written … and it got way more hits than I expected!

Comment by Akirah

I’m so with you on the “I don’t care” thing. That always ends with me screaming back, “How can you NOT CARE?!” Yes…it has been an issue of late.

I react very similarly. “If you don’t care, I’m not going to…” I typically take not caring as not wanting me to do whatever it is, but being too “nice” to flat out tell me the truth.

Comment by Megkathleen

@Megkathleen There is no hidden meaning in “I don’t care.” Men are capable of complete absence of thought/opinion for long periods of time. We don’t feel the need to fill every silent moment with talk or thoughts. 😛

“What are you thinking?” If the answer is “nothing,” then we REALLY mean nothing. Our mind is perfectly content in sharing that moment in time with your with out any thoughts, without any words needing be said. To be in complete silence with another person shows you that we are completely comfortable with them. Some people can’t handle complete silence, they feel awkward and feel like they need to fill that silence. Which is why guys who are uncomfortable around women tend to turn to mumbling idiots…our silence means your Golden!

MinD, if guys really like a girl they’ll go the extra mile, but dropping subtle hints or reverse psychology doesn’t quite work. You tell us something is “OK,” then we’ll assume its OK. I’m taking your boyfriends side on this one…SOMEONE has to!

I suppose someone has to, ha. And I’ve already realized that boys can actually not be thinking. It’s weird, but I get it.

Comment by omegaradium

Yeah, seriously- you dont give me enough credit.

I suppose not sometimes.

Comment by Matt

i love your blog! i’ve blogrolled you. 🙂

Aw, thanks! I checked yours out, too. Very kewl.

Comment by courtney

hahaha, that’s great. I totally test the boys.

Glad to hear it’s not just me … though I never figured it was!

Comment by Elizabeth

Haha I LOVE this, well done. It’s so true, sometimes I do feel sorry for guys but COME ON, sometimes this stuff should be common sense, they just walk right into it!

My Hint: Always, always assume that she is, and treat your girlfriend exactly as if she were a Princess….then you can’t go wrong.

Fabulous hint! I ought to pass that info on to the boyfriend.

Comment by pinkjellybaby

Ah, this is a fab post – and true too! While I may not fall into those examples, I have used similar tactics in the past! Testing guys is fun – as long as it works, that is . . .

Definitely “as long as it works.” Otherwise, well, not so wonderful results, I’m sure.

Comment by Paula

I definitely found myself relating here. I’ve used the ‘You don’t have to come over tonight’ thing. My boy is smart about it, though. Most of the time.

I thought mine was. Clearly, I was wrong. Oops.

Comment by E.P.

Oh, I get it. You think you’re dating a woman.

Oooo. Um, ya, not so much.

Comment by Arjewtino

After the first 2, I got the general gist of it: boys should do what girls say, suggest, insinuate or somehow communicate with their body language.

I get it!

Just be grateful that men communicate so much more simply than girls. Imagine relationships where both partners spoke with encryption.

*shudders*

Damn, you actually read this, huh? Well thanks! Ha. I wonder if lesbian relationships are filled with encryption because females tend to talk to “code.” Then again, I wonder if females are also more apt to understanding those hidden messages better… Hm.

Comment by Sebastian




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