You may or may not recall my run in with the law back in August during an otherwise pleasant drive to the North Carolina coast (read Policia! Policia! for more info).
Well, my verdict has arrived via the pony express following my Oct. 15 court date (continued from Sept. 15).
Aafter two months of weighing my options to avoid losing my drivers license – since a pedestrian reporter is simply not feasible – and paying a fancy lawyer nearly $400 – money that could have bought me a few new outfits, a better television, groceries for several months, or hell, even an abortion (though that wasn’t up for consideration as my womb is empty at the moment) – in addition to my court-mandated $60 online driving safety course …
… I HAVE BEEN CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES!
Okay, not exactly, but my 25+ mph speeding violation was reduced to a nonmoving violation, thus no points on my license or toward my insurance premiums which my mother pays for me anyway, thanks to my willingness to pay everyone and their mother – [attorney + court fees + AAA (driving course) + fine] – approximately $440 in sum. My monetary fine, however, was slightly reduced, so with my letter of congratulations/thanks – for my money, not my work toward reducing the penalities, clearly – my lawyer sent a $25 refund check. Yay for dollars I expected to never see again.
And so, for now, I wash my hands of the judicial system and vow to never, ever get a speeding violation again. If I have to flash more boobs or evade the law, by golly, I will do it just to save my pennies. After all, you never know when that abortion TV purchase might come in handy.
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