A MinD in MoTown


The Snozberries Taste Like Snozberries!
April 14, 2008, 5:32 pm
Filed under: Foodage

Why do watermelon Jolly Ranchers taste nothing like an actual watermelon? For that matter, apple is far more tart than its counterpart, and grape? I’m sorry, but if I wanted to drink Dimetapp, I would – I don’t need to be tricked by the folks at Jolly Rancher into believing I’ll enjoy my piece of candy.

I use this particular example only because they are the candy-of-the-week on my desk at work, but it seemingly fits all artificially flavored sugary treats. They rarely have any relation to the actual flavor they claim to portray. And yet, they retain the label.

Truth be told, I’m not a huge watermelon fan, but I love watermelon Jolly Ranchers (um, am I the only one who has noticed they are no longer sold in their own bag?).

Okay, my picky tastes aside, who decided it would be great to call a candy “cherry” or “blue raspberry” only to confuse the taste buds of unknowing sugar-addicts? I wonder if the artificial flavoring people – and yes, that is their technical name – wanted to make it home for dinner by 5 p.m. on a Tuesday so badly that they collectively gave in to the not-so-cherry flavoring.

“Hey, I don’t want to miss Martha’s meatloaf tonight so we better wrap this up.”

And even more strange, those inflicted with a sweet tooth have become completely complacent with these shortcomings to the point where those like myself can consume a watermelon Jolly Rancher without the fear of it tasting anything like something remotely healthy. I already know I like apples, but I wouldn’t dare touch a green apple lollipop. And blue raspberry? Only if I want to make a fool of myself with a colored tongue and lips, ha.

And as I unwrap my third Jolly Rancher of the day (or fourth, fifth … okay, I’ve lost count!), I can’t help but wonder what a snozberry really tastes like… Perhaps remaining a bachelor, like Willy Wonka, is the true key to artificial flavoring success.

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